Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Unappreciated...

Good morning to my blog...I know I haven't written in a long while. Not even sure why I started today except for the feeling that I have no one to talk to in my life and I am so incredibly sad and frustrated I don't even know what to do anymore. I feel like I walk this earth to serve others and get no "Thank Yous" from anyone. I feel used and unappreciated in everything I do and it doesn't help that when I say I need help I am "selfish". I know I am so selfish all the time. I cook I clean I make sure everyone is happy all the time. I hardly ever bitch or nag. I basically make this house function and don't really ask for a lot in return. All I wanted was some help with Emma's birthday and I am selfish because he gets to go to a baseball game and I am left home alone yet again (story of my life) I feel like I can't live my life this way. I need an out BAD! Some mornings (like today) I lay in bed wondering how everyone's life would be if I were just gone. Would I really be all that missed? Or would everyone just be better off? I am in desperate need of some true happiness. I literally have no one. All the friends I have are not really true friends. I love them all but they are fake. 1 friend who was supposed to be my "Best Friend" pretty much has no time for me and we don't talk anymore, another who was also supposed to be a "best" friend can't truly be a friend when all she does is judge and then turn around and talk trash about you, its all the same with them all. I feel there is no one in my life i truly have. Where do I go from here? WHat can I do to find happiness? Sorry for the rant but since this is my only escape and Rachelle you are the only one who reads this I can actually express my true feelings. I need help.

3 comments:

The Trotter Family said...

I know how you feel exactly. I have had the thought of, "what good am I to them, anyone could do this for them." It's not true though. You are needed and important to them and it is absolutely not selfish to ask for help. You are there for others, so they can help you out. As for your friends, I would suggest joining some sort of group to make some new friends. I find that my closest friends are always religious. I have close Jewish, Catholic, Bornagain, and Mormon friends. They are always there for me and have been for years. As for my happiness, I have to view my life as it could be. Those days when you are knee high in toys and laundry and the kids are being horrible and you are just done, I think one day this will be over. I might just be able to afford a maid and the kids will be more mature and they will be my little friends. You never know what is around the corner and you know that God is looking out for your best interest to grow. I think you just need to move down here. We would be able to hang out all the time!

Unknown said...

Hi Tory...

I know we only met once, but saw the link to your blog from FB and I thought I would check it out. You and I have a lot more in common than you think. I too, am a mother of two and I (hopefully) will be married to someone who will be away a lot with work for PG&E in the near future. I know it's really hard to manage a household and the one that everyone depends on and not be appreciated. You need to discuss your feelings all the time and not wait for occasions to happen when all you can do is get frustrated, fight, and end up with hurt feelings. Make sure that you have a good babysitter and set dates at least once or twice a month for you and your hubby to spend quality time with each other. Remind him that you need reassurance that you are appreciated by the little things that he can and should be doing; like making breakfast in bed one morning, giving your feet a massage, lighting candles...etc. If you don't have someone who would be able to help out with childcare, I would love to help as soon as we are out in your area;-) Hopefully one day we can get together and hang out again...Til then, keep your head up,) Kim Portue (John Siegfried's girlfriend, we met at your house for your corned beef dinner)

Anonymous said...

You are Loved think your Grandpa told you that in his long email that you never answered....He too felt sad that you never got back to him.....We both love you very much and wish you were closer so we could see you and the girls more. Making a home is lonely work until they grow up. Then they will remember what you did for them and love you for it. Can't remember how many kids ate home made cookies at my house or how many Moms that called about the Pups and french toast. I was the stay at home Mom. Get active in the kids school. Teachers helper, room mom....etc. You can also start back to school. Go to school on line....Also something I only heard about after joining the church is date night....Like you friend said. Once a week have a date night.....go shopping, out to dinner, to a ball game....even a walk around the neighborhood as long a kids are left out. Make it something for you then something for him. You can alway call grandpa or me....Love to hear from you. Love you lots so always keep in touch...........Lots of Love Hugs.......Grandma Karen