Unappreciated...

Good morning to my blog...I know I haven't written in a long while. Not even sure why I started today except for the feeling that I have no one to talk to in my life and I am so incredibly sad and frustrated I don't even know what to do anymore. I feel like I walk this earth to serve others and get no "Thank Yous" from anyone. I feel used and unappreciated in everything I do and it doesn't help that when I say I need help I am "selfish". I know I am so selfish all the time. I cook I clean I make sure everyone is happy all the time. I hardly ever bitch or nag. I basically make this house function and don't really ask for a lot in return. All I wanted was some help with Emma's birthday and I am selfish because he gets to go to a baseball game and I am left home alone yet again (story of my life) I feel like I can't live my life this way. I need an out BAD! Some mornings (like today) I lay in bed wondering how everyone's life would be if I were just gone. Would I really be all that missed? Or would everyone just be better off? I am in desperate need of some true happiness. I literally have no one. All the friends I have are not really true friends. I love them all but they are fake. 1 friend who was supposed to be my "Best Friend" pretty much has no time for me and we don't talk anymore, another who was also supposed to be a "best" friend can't truly be a friend when all she does is judge and then turn around and talk trash about you, its all the same with them all. I feel there is no one in my life i truly have. Where do I go from here? WHat can I do to find happiness? Sorry for the rant but since this is my only escape and Rachelle you are the only one who reads this I can actually express my true feelings. I need help.

Where to go from here....

I am getting older by the second.....my baby is going to be a kindergartner this fall, my now 7 year old has lost so many teeth its crazy.....Where did the time go?? What do I myself have to show for it???? I want to try and go back to school this year if at all possible but unsure if it will work out.....I am tired of being home all day....i want more out of life.....My dream since I as a kid was to become a lawyer...I want that so bad still to this day but know it's unrealistic. What is a realistic dream? I am 27 with basically no college education...where do I start? Its a crazy thing......

A year gone......

Well this has been a crazy year.....A lot of good and some bad.....

We will start with May.....On Memorial day weekend we went to Boulder Creek to see friends and family and go to Boulder Creeks annual Art and Wine festival. After we were done at the festival we went to the Hatch Families house to have a BBQ and some fun....a bit later into the night the guys went out back to play some baseball and one of our really good friends Timmy Hatch got hit by the ball in the head...It was a horrible night, one in which I would love to forget. Early the next morning Timmy slipped into a coma. To this day Timmy is still in the hospital and we are waiting for him to come back to us. He has had a lot of improvement and doing many things the Doctors said he would never do...He is in our payers daily.

June was the Cassen family reunion in Arizona.....it was a lot of fun...We went down a few days before the reunion and did some fun "tourist" things. We went down the famous highway 66 and saw some of the historic museums. We also went to the Grand Canyon for the first time in all of our lives and stood on the skywalk...It was very expensive but awesome...as we told the girls it was a Once in a Lifetime experience.
When we returned we actively started House Hunting....It was a long, stressful and discouraging time....We finally found "our" home....We got our key October 1st...The best day of our lives! The funnest part of this too is that our street name is Grand Canyon...Can you say coincidence????We have been slowly but surely getting the house to be exactly how we want it...I have painted both the girls rooms, Mackenzie is a Rock Star theme and Emma's is like a Princess theme...Jon and celebrated our 7 year wedding anniversary and had a wonderful weekend kid free...We went to San Francisco and saw a movie, went out to dinner and just spent alone time together (which doesn't happen to often)Thanksgiving came next....Usually this is a crazy holiday for Jon and I...But since most of the fam was busy Jon and I hosted it at our new house...Jon's fam came and my mom's gang came....there were about 17 people there all together...It was a lot of fun, I cook all the dinner for the first time ever! Everyone enjoyed it a lot....Emma helped cook too....She mad the Cranberry Sauce all by herself...it was very yummy...And here we are in December....less than 2 days from Mackenzie turning 7 and a week away from Christmas...Its been a crazy year and we can't wait till next! Happy Holidays to all!!!

December Fun....wait what???

OK so we are at the start of December....What a crazy month ahead. Now I thought Christmas was a time of cheer and laughter and good deeds and all that good stuff. Well I dunno where everyone else was from but here its like a crazy bomb goes off. I love but also hate this time of year all at thesame time. How you ask...Well we will start with how the road rage goes crazy up or how the malls are jam packed or how pushy people can be or how pushy and rude those same people can be. Well enough negativity...lets think about the positive LOL....
First is Mackenzie's 6th yes you read right 6th birthday....CRAZY....how did this happen?? Yesterday she was just learning to walk. OH how time flies by. We are having a Hannah Montana party, all Hannah Montana. We will be having pizza and if its not raining a bounce house. If it is raining we will be finding an alternate plan.....hmmmmmm what to do what to do????? Any Ideas anyone?? We will also be having a Hannah Montana Guitar cake....Mackenzie is so excited. Every day she asks if it is her birthday party tomorrow....So fun.
So after Mackenzie's birthday is (drum roll please) CHRISTMAS!!!! woohooo....Christmas has always been a crazy holiday for us (not as crazy as thanksgiving but close) We do Christmas eve with the in-laws...dinner and opening presents. Then on Christmas we get together with My family and doing a great big breakfast and present opening. Then the rest of the day we hang and play!!!! This is going to be an exciting month...I will keep ya'll posted!

November has come and gone...where was I?

What happened to November? We are basicly done with it being on the 29th and all. Well it was a GREAT month to say the least.

The 6th was our 6 year anniversary...CRAZY I know. Then the 8th was Jon and Heather's 25th Birthday. We celebrated by going out to dinner at Applebeesthen fallowing that up with some bar hopping in downtown San Jose. Lexi forgot her ID so the girls headed backto my house for some drinks and talkin. We had fun till we get the call that Jon had "Lost his Dinner"LOL. Well he lost more than that to the porceline Godess. The good part would be he doesn't remember it. So funny.

Next would be my Birthday on the 12th I turned the bid 26. Wednesday on my actual birthday Ashly and I went to Wing Stop which is my new favorite place to eat. Love it!!!! After we went to her house to hang. She made Lasana which was awsome for me for dinner. So good!!! We had a great night....Carly flew in to San Jose Thursay night to celebrate my birthday for a whole weekend. I was so excited!!! Friday was the big party night. We went shopping for our special "outfits" for the night. I got an awome corset which I absolutely love! Everyone met at my house around 6 to eat and start getting ready, oh and of course for some drinks LOL. We were taking the VTA but still needed a ride to it since the VTAisn't crazy close....So Kris valunteered for that!!! He Loved it! A bunch of drunk girls making complete fools of themselves. After a crazy VTA ride we finially made it downtown...

We had a blast! We were so sad when the night ended. YAY for girls nights.

Well the week passed and it was hanksgiving week. Thats where we are now. We took a long drive to So Cal to see the fam. It was great Thursday we spent the day at my Uncle Ralphs house. We visited Ralph and Jackieand grandma and Grandpa and my dad. Brittany and Kelsie were there too! Mackenzie and Emma had so much fun playing with Jaxson. It was a great relaxing day. Well after Thanksgiving dinner we left and went to Tawnya and Trevors house tosee the other side of my fam. Then Friday was our BIG thanksgiving with the Trotter Family. We did Family Pictures which lasted a good hour and a half but I am sure they turned out GREAT. Then went back to Tawnyas to find a HUGE bouncehouse obsicle course thinggy. SO BIG!!! But so much fun. After the food was prepared and in the oven the adults proceeded outside for some races.....So fun but also painful...I don't think one person cameout with no scapes or bruses or something bleeding. It was an awsome day and an awsome Thanksgiving....It was great seeing all the family its always hard leaving since we only see them once a year. Thank you Twnya for having us it was great....Now on to our next adventure....December which id Mackenzie's bday and Christmas!!!

It's Fall

So the seasons change which for most it means.....school starts.....Well for Mackenzie this is true. She has started her very first year of school...Kindergarden. She is loving it! She gets to ride the bus everyday. She has made so many friends. It really awsome to watch her grow. She is learning so much and getting smarter by the day.

As for me and Emma its been nice having our 1 on 1 time. We do all the stuff that needs to be done before Mackenzie gets home. Its so much easier with only 1 to chase around lol. I think Emma really enjoys our time alone. Being a second sibling you have that disadvantage, where the 1st child gets all that alone time with mom and dad and the second only gets it once the 1st goes to school.

Soccer is another thing that started this year, for Mackenzie that is. She has had 2 games and is doing GREAT!!!! She sure takes after her mommy. It has been so much fun to watch her play and see how much she loves it.

Well the past week and a half has been difficult. Jon had to go out of town for training. He is learning to be a Hot Stick Apprentice which is one of the 6 steps he has to go through before becoming a full Lineman. So we wont see him untill Friday night which also happens to be Halloween. He is a bit bummed he will be missing his girls Trick or Treating. I am too. The past week and a half has made me feel like a single parent. NO BREAKS. Its been hard but its almost over.

So this is Halloween week for us. Very exciting. Mackenzie is dressing up as Princess Jasmine and Emma is dressing up as Tinkerbell. They are very excited. We are gonna do some Trick or Treating with some friends. Not sure where yet but it will be fun no matter where we go. And Saturday we will be having an "Adult" Halloween party. Who said Halloween was just for kids anyways. LOL I will be dressing up as the Mad Hatter, Ashly will be The Queen of Hearts, Lexi will be Alice, Crystal is going to be a 50's girl, Caitlin is going to be a Fairy, Timmy Isaac and Danny are going to be Dead Army guys, Kris is going to be a Gangsta, Jon is going to be a Zombie Dr....and we are still waiting to hear what Josh is going to be.

Are there everthing we look forward in fall? For me its Thanksgiving. Its the one time every year I get to see my family. I know what you are thinking....one time yeah right. But seriously when your family live on one end of Cali and you live on the other its hard to see them often. I would love to see them more but thats life I guess. I also look forward to the day after Thanksgiving when you can start listening to Christmas Music and buy a Christmas tree. Snowboarding which we will be doing more of this year (no braking any more arms Ashly LOL). Very exciting time to be coming up here. Oh man I can't believe I forget my Birthday. One of my FAVORITE holidays. This is coming up very soon. I will be 26 for all that dont know. Also Jon and my 6th year wedding anniversary. So exciting!!! Well everyone, this is all for now.

Mackenzie's Surgury

So on Friday Mackenzie had her eye surgury. Everyhting went really well. We go to Lucielle Pacard Childrens Hospital at Stanford at about 8:30 am. Got Mackenzie all checked in and all her paperwork filled out. We all went into the room with the nurse and she asked us all "The Questions"...After we got Mackenzie changed into her gown and all ready they had us wait...and wait ...and wait...Her surgury was scheduled for 10:30 am. At about 11:05am the nurse came to get us and stroll Makenzie to the operating room. As we are going down the hall there are big butterflies painted on the ceiling, Mackenzie starts naming each and every butterfly cracking the nurse up. Finially we come to "The door" and we have to give our hugs and kisses and say goodbye because this is where we part ways for the duration of the surgury. By this time my heat is racing. I was a nervous reck. Once we said goodbye they tell us to go get something to eat. So we do. Waiting for our little buzzer to go off so we can see our little girl. We finish our lunch and still no buzzing. We look at each other and go "what do we do now?" So we decide to take a walk and check out the Hospital. As we are walking our buzzer finially goes off YAY
So we go to check in to see her. We got into the room and she was fast asleep. SHE MADE IT YAY! Thats all I could think about. She is still doing great. The doctor said she is progressing so well!! She is supposed to be taking it easy...easy huh well just getting her not to bounce off the walls is the hard part. SHe is back to her old self with a few differences...her eyes are are still all bloody and she is still in some pain. We go in for our check up on Thursday! So we will let you know how she is doing as of then!